The first elk was a swan.
The second elk was a clown.
The third elk lived in Normandy. He collaborated with the French Resistance. He briefly knew Le Douanier Rousseau.
The fourth elk made history.
The fifth elk ate carrots, and wrote scripts for a living.
The sixth elk had a haircut every Tuesday.
The seventh elk did nothing in particular.
The eighth elk was an expert on Roger Bacon.
The ninth elk was a realist.
The tenth elk was born on Monday the 13th.
The eleventh elk fought for his freedom.
The twelfth elk was a civil engineer. Very civil.
The thirteenth elk had triskaidekaphobia.
The fourteenth elk was onanistic.
The fifteenth elf liked to pretend he was a pirate on Christmas Eve.
The sixteenth elk had a soul.
The seventeenth elk lived in Canada.
The eighteenth elk was utterly bewildered.
The nineteenth elk participated in a scientific experiment. The nineteenth elk died in the scientific experiment.
The twentieth elk was named Elk.
The twenty-first elk was named Napoleon.
The twenty-second elk was named Elk. He was the cousin of the twentieth elk.
The twenty-third elk was named Elk.
The twenty-fourth elk kept a diary, in which he recorded his innermost thoughts.
The twenty-fifth elk was President of the Royal Society of Elk.
The twenty-sixth elk was a vegetarian.
The twenty-seventh elk had arthritis.
The twenty-eighth elk had strong anti-anthropomorphic tendencies.
The twenty-ninth elk was edgy.
The thirtieth elk was born in Suburbia, raised seventeen rubles, and is currrently sleeping.
The thirty-first elk was born in Finland. He was the first elk to be born in Finland.
The thirty-second elk was a solipsist.
The thirty-third elk got his act together.
The thirty-fourth elk was an elk.
The thirty-fifth elk thought he was a swan.
The thirty-sixth elk owned a Winchester.
The thirty-seventh elk was a millionaire.
The thirty-eighth elk was made of cardboard.
The thirty-ninth elk was a fount of wisdom. He was consulted by Reinhold Niebuhr, when the theologian was experiencing skepticism.
The fortieth elk was a famous ingrate.
The forty-first elk liked to graze.
The forty-second elk grazed iffishly.
The forty-third elk invented the word "iffishly".
The forty-fourth elk was bibulous.
The forty-fifth elk stands alone.
The forty-sixth elk had a love of pomp and ceremony. He once wore an elaborate coat made of his own skin.
The forty-seventh elk was scrumptious.
The forty-eighth elk owned a solarium.
The forty-ninth elk was blinded by the sun. Then he opened his eyes one night, and drank deeply of the dark. Next morning he was blinded again.
The fiftieth elk couldn't sell. Couldn't spell? Couldn't sell.
The fifty-first elk was a pathologist.
The fifty-second elk was a pathologist too. He was also pathological.
The fifty-third elk had a muted approach to life.
The fifty-fourth elk was obese.
The fifty-fifth elk saw the world in a grain of sand.
The sixty-fourth elk played chess.
The fifty-ninth elk nursed an unrequited love for the fifty-eighth elk. She nursed it very tenderly indeed.
The sixty-fifth elk liked cheese.
The sixty-seventh elk liked to have sex in the dark.
The fifty-sixth elk liked lightning.
The fifty-seventh elk lived to be forty-nine.
The sixtieth elk was cruel.
The seventieth elk was pusillanimous.
The sixty-second elk murdered his murderer.
The sixty-ninth elk was purposeful, content.
The fifty-eighth elk fell in love with the first elk. When the first elk proved indifferent to his charms, he fell in love with the second. When the second elk gave him the cold shoulder, he fell in love with the third. When he discovered that the third elk was homophobic, he fell in love with himself.
The sixty-first elk had an interesting history.
The sixty-third elk was a lady.
The sixty-eighth elk had bloodshot eyes.
The seventy-first elk had the tallest antlers in town, with such a fine crown, he could stand upside down.
The sixty-sixth elk had a hole in his head.
The elk had the collywobbles.
The elk was of a bluish hue.
The elk was dean of the donkeys.
The elk was master of mayhem.
The elk was sultan of chefs.
The elk was kaiser of kissing.
The elk was the overlord of the overawed...
The elk came with the Normans.
The elk said "Avava Kedavra".
The elk lived in the real world.
The elk was overly refined.
The elk was from Mars.
The elk was adiabatic.
The elk was the Sun King.
The elk was euphonious.
The elk was disquieting.
The elk glowed in the evening light.
The elk was death’s messenger.
The elk was an arsonist: he started a forest fire.
The elk was an elitist: he only ate muscat grapes.
The elk liked roughage.
The elk was a kind and kinky elk.
The elk was entropic.
The elk was an old elk.
The elk had the highest ideals, and suffered the most dismal failures as a consequence.
The elk suffered the black light of reality.
The elk was literal.
The elk owned a pied-a-terre.
The elk followed the eightfold path.
The elk pondered the meaning of the word “elk”.
The elk was a melancholy draughtsman.
The elk was the Chengiz Khan of the elk.
The elk was the leader of the free world.
The elk wanted to be all things to all people. He wanted to be all in all: all for one, and one for all. He, and he alone.
The elk was meditation. The elk was pure presence. The elk had a soul. The elk lost a piece of his soul. The elk was nothing. The elk was a transformer. The elk was a coloured elk. The elk was a leading light. The elk made art out of standing still. The elk was an artful dodger. His life depended on it. The elk was a riddle wrapped in a pelt. The elk was indecipherable. The elk was ice within and ice without. The elk had bells on his hooves. The sun shone down on nothing elk. The elk and the sun were buddies. The elk was a vision and a voice. The elk was a project and a projection. The elk was a vastness and a core. The elk was a sameness and a dream. The elk was a sapience and a star. The elk was a locus and a wandering. The elk was a loss and a content. The elk was a mere conceit. The elk was made of anger. The elk was utterly unique. The elk was stumbling toward a self. The elk had no biography. The elk was a biographer’s dream. The elk was good for something. But what? The elk lived in a box of elk. It was a very dark box. She did not know which elk she was. The elk lived in a box of elk. It was a very dark box. She did not know which elk he was. The elk had the most beautiful limpid eyes. The elk was an old elk. The elk was a stranger. The elk ate his meals alone. The elk lived alone. The elk was a hypochondriac. Dreamt blood on his horns. The elk was the horniest elk of all. The elk glowed in the morning light. The elk was capable of thought. She thought it was un-elklike to think… So she left that thought unthought. The elk had a wry smile. The elk had a dry wit. His wit consisted of saying nothing at all. The elk was not assured of her own existence. The elk required no assurance of her own existence. The elk was unaware of recent developments in his homeland. The elk belonged to the herd. The elk was a critter. The elk was a beast. The elk was infinitely complex, infinitely variable. The elk was a super-elk. The elk was only a kid. The elk was a greybeard. The elk was one in an infinite collection. The elk was backward-compatible. The elk ran naked through the forest. The elk survived. The elk was aphasic. The elk looked at himself in the mirror. He did not understand what he saw. The elk knew nothing of history. The elk decided to fight. The elk had a premonition of a world without elk. The elk turned and turned in his sleep. The elk was lazy. The elk was a filler. The elk was the self-same elk. The elk was a monument to rigor. The elk was your friendly neighbourhood elk. The elk passed the baton on. From elk to elk. The elk passed the baton on. The elk was listless. The elk was a mere imitation. He proceeded in utter repetition. There was no revelation. This was the story of the world. The elk was blank. The elk was curtains. The elk was a new language. The elk was indescribable. The elk quavered. The elk was complete. The elk continued her saga. The elk, interrupted. The elk was medicated. The elk was not domesticated. The elk was terribly pleased. The elk was what he was. The elk wished to play himself. But he wasn’t good enough. The elk knew life was a spoof. But of what? The elk lived lovingly. The elk lived for no very good reason. The elk lived for thirteen years. The elk lived as if there was no tomorrow (but there was). The elk lived on the edge. The edge of the forest… The elk was an ideal elk. The elk was an absence. The elk was absence. The elk was the dark hours of the night, the luminous hours. The elk was gladness. For a while. And for another while. The elk bled because of the moon. The elk was hungry, faintly. The elk wore a curtain demolished by wind. The elk wore a deep sulk. The elk’s introverted manner won him few admirers. The elk winced in my direction. The elk was hard to read, but found it even harder to read. The elk was a solemn sourpuss… The elk had a Stygian gaze. The elk was old, and wondered why. The elk was Elk. The elk was cohomology. The elk was a pagoda. The elk was an heirloom. The elk was a dictionary. The elk was a fog. The elk was an atom. The elk was a party. The elk was a zoo. The elk was trivial. The elk was convivial. The elk was a mime. The elk was a baboon. The elk was a fantasy. The elk was a song. The elk was a map. The elk was a boomerang. The elk was a heart of ice. The elk was letters, tunnel, lotus. The elk was a puppet. The elk was a puzzle. The elk was a pawn. The elk was a nostrum. The elk was a mirage. The elk was a weed. The elk was a roster. The elk was a totem. The elk was a wheeze. The elk was a lemma. The elk was honeysuckle. The elk was a wand. The elk was a cloud. The elk was a troglodyte. The elk was a fawn.
The elk was a secret integer.
There were three Elk - the Elk of Ambition, the Elk of Circumstance and the Elk of Nostalgia.
The Elk of Ambition had the largest harem.
The Elk of Circumstance lived the happiest life.
The Elk of Nostalgia wrote the purest poetry.
Rahul Santhanam is a mathematician and poet. His work has appeared or is forthcoming in The Rialto, Otoliths, Meniscus and Blackbox Manifold, among other venues. He tweets sporadically at @rahulsanthanam.